The meaning of Christmas

There's one thing I need to say....Thank God Christmas is over! It's lost all its meaning for me.  Why? because I'm amongst the most oppressive people's I've ever had the misfortune to be amongst!  That includes almost everyone around me at the moment.

Ireland is NOT an un-oppressive country. NOT a disability friendly country...NOT a tolerant country.

It has a vile health support service (HSE Community)  and a vile medical Health service (Hospitals division) within which I struggle to stay alive.   As well as that a number of people (whom I won't mention) intent on trying to bad-mouth me and my twin simply because we confront injustice. Some of these people should be supporters but do all they can to annihilate us.  They are making a good job of it too. I feel rock-bottom emotionally, psychologically and completely exhausted going into 2020.

I tried to redeem the festive, spiritual meaning of Christmas; 'love' , at least that's what I thought it meant!  So what did I do? I gave my Christmas spending money to a local domestic violence refuge. I gave small boxes of chocs and a 2 euro scratch card to most of my family (except twin - whom I always give bigger!)  explaining the rest of the money was put elsewhere this year.  Of course my donation to the refuge is not nearly 'enough' to solve domestic violence, but I know it will help some.

I think people spend too much money on what? frivolities and waste. When I hear a person I know gives her children presents to the tune of 600 euro EACH I was in shock! When I heard that an old woman in her 80's gave her grandchildren (whom she never sees) 2,000 euro EACH I was again appalled!   This is NOT Christmas. Its what its become. a commercial gluttony of selfishness and greed. Where some very sad people, lonely people, alone people TRY to buy the love THEY need and don't get!

I wrapped my Christmas presents in brown paper. Thinking I suppose I was saving the earth and following Greta. (Christmas wrapping paper is not recyclable) . Yet knowing that's a gesture rather than a solution. But what can the lone person do?  We can do more.   I will do more. I intend to do more to save this planet. When half of me thinks - why bother? its a corrupt and horrible place now. With Trump in America, Boris in the UK and Varadkar here in Ireland. All right wing, close to 'fascists'. Why would I save this planet these days? give me a real reason? 

I put up a crib. I'm still a Christian, I do believe. But I no longer go to Church . That hypocritical institution which has lost its way completely. My love for people surpasses that sort of Christian 'love' which is judgmental and often cruel if not abusive.  I left that idiocy years ago and I'm left with a warm inner feeling of God's love ....which I try to share as best I can. In my 'justice-making' endeavors.  In my opportunities, in my stance, in my rage, and through my voice and pen.

A little candle by my home-made crib suffices as a reminder. I light it every morning.  I think there of my deceased friends, especially Rachel and Geoff and my deceased family members and love them. I think of those cruelly hurt, injured, wounded by hate, abuse and families and society that don't care - really care. My tears go there...daily I have tears for the loss...of everything. Goodness, Love...support...

Rachel my dearest friend who died in 2018 

Me and Geoff who died in November 2019 just gone. my 'brother'. 

And in my hurt I will hang on to good people around the world....

My twin Ann in Ireland..fighting medical injustice valiantly. Fighting ignorance and cruel people.
Thea in Australia ...demanding climate change , getting arrested
John in Scotland fighting disability injustice, fighting a right wing shift in politics in London - Boris -that threatens lives...
Col in Liverpool supporting survivors of abuse
Merry in Reading, UK fighting disability hate, Tory policies and racial hatred..
Good journalists like John Pring...always bringing into the open disability hatred and abuse
ditto, Patsy McGrarry, Joe Little (RTE - just retired) and more. I wish Mary Raftery was still alive....miss her dreadfully.
I think of good people like Mark, my friend who stands alongside me Jenny, Liz Taylor (Geoff's wife - suffering unbearable grief), Helen, ...and more
I think of good doctors like my gastro-enterologist Dr Garrett Cullen, Dr Toro of NIH America, Dr Gahl of NIH America who cared for Ann and I recently. I think of the whole team there.
I think of the GOOD people fighting a crap medical system ...Christine fighting for ME patients in Ireland
People in Ireland with mitochondrial disease with no where to go...
people in Ireland with neuro-degenerative diseases...barely supported...
people in Ireland with Rare diseases and getting little or no help here in Ireland
People fighting to improve services for disabled people in Ireland Bernard, Sean O'Kelly, and others...
I think of the wonderful MS Respite care centre in Rathfarnham where Ann and I go twice a year...wow a beautiful place.
There are GOOD people, really really GOOD people out there.

in 2020 I'll find more. I'll join them. I'll ease my sore heart and soul and I'll do my best to LOVE...really LOVE others.

Try it. Its good to do. ban all hatred. ban abuse. ban horrible words, deeds and notions.

SAVE LOVE. Its a dying emotion. its needed.