I was TRAINED I was TRAINED to understand, recognise, support people who displayed a range of emotions. I was TRAINED to care about those who were displaying
Despair
Anger
Pain
Hurt
Aggression
Depression
Sadness
Bereavement
Fear
Loss
Bitterness
Regret
Guilt
Loneliness
Hopelessness
Suicidal ideation
Behaviour consistent with autism, Aspergers, learning disability and many neurological disorders.
Yes, I was TRAINED, in nursery nursing, nursing, counselling, social work, even in catechesis, how to 'be with' someone needing me in any one of my many professional roles.
But aside from this...my humanity, that core inside of me, became infused with a sense of CARE FOR OTHERS by my own loss, experience of hurt, pain, abuse and isolation. I knew the depths and so I did not WANT others to feel those depths. I knew the horror of that place, those places. Rather than back off, or not get involved, or blame, or shame I plunged in...often where others feared to tread.
The result....I think I saved lives. But also I grew in humanity , care and love for others.
I'm not saying all this in a self-congratulatory way. I'm saying this as a person who fails to Understand how anyone can hurt another, especially professionals.
Daily in the last ten years I've struggled to UNDERSTAND the annihilation of me and my twin by a supposed 'highly skilled professional' service -the HSE .
How one word....in the list above has come to be the total perception of myself and twin by HSE professionals. The HSE is pernicious in it's use of this word.
It drops it into every exchange, every correspondence, every new person who comes on the scene.
That word is 'aggressive/aggression'.
Raise your voice on the telephone in sheer exasperation , stress or hurt and you are 'being aggressive'.
Raise your voice in a meeting and you are 'being aggressive'.
It's accusatory, it blames, it stops discussion, it stops relationship, it stops care. HSE professionals use it prolifically to justify inaction. To justify stigmatising clients, to justify no service.
As a nurse and social worker I NEVER saw 'aggression'. I just never did! If there was anger, shouting, raised voices ( and I seriously can't remember much! ) I knew instinctively to ask...WHY? What's going on here? What's BEHIND this?
I knew it would be pain and suffering.
I knew it would be from their lived experience of loss, poverty, illness, abuse, disability.
I asked myself - had I caused it. ( I was more likely to blame myself than my clients/ patients) .
The HSE see neither pain or suffering. They posit themselves as blameless highly skilled professionals with troublesome , awful clients who are not grateful and demand too much! They behave in complete martyrdom . 'Poor me' to have to deal with this 'awful client'.
The HSE never asks the right questions , and refuse to see the genesis of the alleged 'aggression' because they'd have to face the fact...they were causing such distress. So rather than see 'distress', suffering , pain, ( which would make them feel pain and guilt) they reject. They blame.
The HSE
are not blameless
Not professional
Not trained
Nor caring.
H
Because they do not understand suffering, illness, disability, loss. Because their expectation of needing to be valued, needing clients gratitude...allows no room for SEEING those clients are suffering from THEIR ACTIONS.
they cannot allow themselves to admit the 'caring' shortcomings.
They therefore blame the client and call them aggressive.
This is the language of 'austerity Ireland' , this is the language of a dysfunctional institution that claims to care and support.
This is the language of disability 'eugenics'.
'Awful clients' must be annihilated.
I am NOT an 'awful' client. Nor is my twin. We are adults hell bent on creating a 'life worth living'.
We are not going to be subjected to poor, abusive alleged 'care' by the HSE .
We WILL fight injustice of the way the Irish state annihilates ill and disabled people.
The HSE as 'agents of the state' are doing the states bidding. If we don't fight....we are ALL lost.
Every single disabled, ill, elderly person must fight . It is not 'aggression', it is survival.
I refuse, REFUSE, to be annihilated.
If I need to 'raise my voice' , I will.
I will do it loudly, persistently, daily if necessary.
No-one will dis-respect me or my twin. Or other disabled, sick or elderly person.
IN THIS BLIGHTED HOUSE: A new blog to describe my return to Ireland. how I feel in this 'blighted house', the land of my birth. it will discuss all the GOOD this land has to offer, yet show the 'blights' that mar the scenes. I live and long...for a land of beauty in the people, in the politics, in the health of this nation. It can be found...but there is 'cost' and is the 'cost' too much to bear...
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Monday, October 31, 2016
Crippledom
Ah yes, I'm getting used to 'crippledom'! It's mighty interesting on one level whilst infuriating on another.
Tootling along in the wheelchair you often get 'the look' as Ann and I call it. The 'look' is meant to convey compassion, pity, and care but somehow comes out all wrong and only looks like cringeworthy patronising shite! The 'look' can be hilarious as Ann and I have graded them from 1-10 according to minor to major horror looks. We'll turn to each other and say..." Did you see 'the look' there?"
" yeh"
"4"
"I'd say 6 "
So it goes in hilarity. Or sometimes we see 'the look' together, turn to each other and at the same time say " the look" and roar with laughter.
Then it's the freebies. The coins left behind in the coffee machine " here you have them" , subtext
" you poor cripple you" . Or the newspaper, " no need to pay"....or the free bag pack in the supermarket because the person just will not accept your donation. "Ah no, don't bother".
Then the apologies..." Oh I'm so sorry" as they turn around and discover you are behind them. "What for? You could say but that might embarrass them. " oh sorry" is said about 10 times as you go around a busy supermarket. You feel like saying, " look mate, I" m behind you, I don't mind being behind you, don't jump as if I've got more right to a free corridor in the supermarket. I don't. I'll have to wait" .
Then the charity. " I'll pay" ( no you friggin won't) er..." No it's alright I'll pay" , " no, please I'd be happy to pay" ( and I'd be friggin unhappy to let you) .." Ok,thank you" . Anything to get out of the situation quickly. Or the " you go ahead" in a Q I'm in . Why? I can Q just like you.
Then the help. Well you know I don't mind the helpers. I welcome help. I like the door being held open, I like the biscuits on the top shelf being given to me, I like you running to the station person to get the ramp. Yes. I like help. Of course it's best pre-fixed with " can I help?"
Then how about the people who judge your degree of illness/disability and pronounce your true disability/non-disability as if they really do know better than the tests results, the consultants or yourself. Self appointed judges ...yep they gotta be right. Sigh....wearyesque , why bother explaining, these people are so sure as sure is, you won't ever educate them.
Last but not least ...then the jokers. The shouting from the top deck of an open top bus to two cripples going side by side down the foothpath...." Who is winning the race? ". " keep the speed limits" , " love the hat" ....gee, do I know you? No, I don't ....intrusion in my space is seen as ok. Ah SHURE we're having a laugh....yeh, SHURE ! A laugh. Have a laugh.
Have a laugh
Crippledom is interesting...
Tootling along in the wheelchair you often get 'the look' as Ann and I call it. The 'look' is meant to convey compassion, pity, and care but somehow comes out all wrong and only looks like cringeworthy patronising shite! The 'look' can be hilarious as Ann and I have graded them from 1-10 according to minor to major horror looks. We'll turn to each other and say..." Did you see 'the look' there?"
" yeh"
"4"
"I'd say 6 "
So it goes in hilarity. Or sometimes we see 'the look' together, turn to each other and at the same time say " the look" and roar with laughter.
Then it's the freebies. The coins left behind in the coffee machine " here you have them" , subtext
" you poor cripple you" . Or the newspaper, " no need to pay"....or the free bag pack in the supermarket because the person just will not accept your donation. "Ah no, don't bother".
Then the apologies..." Oh I'm so sorry" as they turn around and discover you are behind them. "What for? You could say but that might embarrass them. " oh sorry" is said about 10 times as you go around a busy supermarket. You feel like saying, " look mate, I" m behind you, I don't mind being behind you, don't jump as if I've got more right to a free corridor in the supermarket. I don't. I'll have to wait" .
Then the charity. " I'll pay" ( no you friggin won't) er..." No it's alright I'll pay" , " no, please I'd be happy to pay" ( and I'd be friggin unhappy to let you) .." Ok,thank you" . Anything to get out of the situation quickly. Or the " you go ahead" in a Q I'm in . Why? I can Q just like you.
Then the help. Well you know I don't mind the helpers. I welcome help. I like the door being held open, I like the biscuits on the top shelf being given to me, I like you running to the station person to get the ramp. Yes. I like help. Of course it's best pre-fixed with " can I help?"
Then how about the people who judge your degree of illness/disability and pronounce your true disability/non-disability as if they really do know better than the tests results, the consultants or yourself. Self appointed judges ...yep they gotta be right. Sigh....wearyesque , why bother explaining, these people are so sure as sure is, you won't ever educate them.
Last but not least ...then the jokers. The shouting from the top deck of an open top bus to two cripples going side by side down the foothpath...." Who is winning the race? ". " keep the speed limits" , " love the hat" ....gee, do I know you? No, I don't ....intrusion in my space is seen as ok. Ah SHURE we're having a laugh....yeh, SHURE ! A laugh. Have a laugh.
Have a laugh
Crippledom is interesting...
Saturday, October 22, 2016
The 'gift' of a GOOD physiotherapist
Some of us are fated to have need of a GOOD physiotherapist.
Riddled with osteoarthritis and contorted by Dystonia (a neurological disease causing muscle spasm with twisting of limbs and lower back) my need is ultra-great. Pain is a constant companion. With arthritic crumbling neck, lower spine, hips and knees I know my need for physiotherapy.
The body is a wonderful thing ... for example, if in pain, muscles try to protect and they do so by going into spasm (this is not the spasm of Dystonia, which is quite different, though similar) and if muscles could speak they would say; " I'll go into spasm here and hold this joint tight so Margaret won't feel the pain of bone grinding on bone (arthritis)" . So my lovely muscles trying to prevent more joint damage of 'bone on bone' creates MORE pain by going into spasm. if I were to chat to my muscles I'd say "hey mate , you are NOT helping me here".
Yesterday I went to the physiotherapist. Not the HSE ones that give you a sheet of paper with diagrams of how to do exercises on it. But a HSE physiotherapy manager who actually DOES physio. I mean he knows spasm. He knows muscles. he knows hands on.
To advise you all....very rarely these days do HSE physiotherapists do hands on, manipulative physiotherapy. Why? because it takes a good half hour to hour of intense physical work they have either no time for, don't want to do or cannot do because they are allocating only 10 minutes per patient to save money. There are not enough physiotherapists. Personally I sometimes think it sheer laziness.
The HSE explanation for pictures versus 'hands on' is a nice exercise in preventing cognitive dissonance. That feeling that you are a complete fraud. So to prevent your guilt you accept as truth... "There is no evidence that hands on physiotherapy is any more effective than exercise".
Bullshit.
The 'hands on' is absolutely mandatory if you have dystonic spasm or muscle spasm from skeletal 'safeguarding'. Spasm hurts. Spasms are knots of knotty, hard, scrunched up muscles. No amount of 'exercise' gets scrunched up spasm-ed muscles 'un-scrunched'. In fact all that happens is the spasms become fixed and even more scrunched up muscles results.
How do I know? because I friggin KNOW!
I had marched into my physiotherapist and announced; "you are NOT touching my hip" in bolshie 64 year old figgin agony mode. But this gentle Muslim man, married with two children and a goatee beard, living in Ireland, has golden hands. "lie down on your tummy". He smiled benignly.
Ah Achmed, you put me through your 'hands on' wringer last night.
I screamed at you; "too hard", I then tried a different tack and plaintively squeaked "I don't think I like this very much",
to which he laughed and....continued....and continued.
Arriving home I realised...no pain. No pain at all. I mean ...NO FRIGGIN PAIN....nada, nothing, nothing. (well I tell a lie, a little bit but not the searing, burning, stabbing, awful pain I had for the last three weeks).
you know what. I think it was not my hip, but a slipped disc in lower spine. I know I have several bulging discs there. I think...he must have realigned my lower spine a bit.
whatever he did...I love him.
Riddled with osteoarthritis and contorted by Dystonia (a neurological disease causing muscle spasm with twisting of limbs and lower back) my need is ultra-great. Pain is a constant companion. With arthritic crumbling neck, lower spine, hips and knees I know my need for physiotherapy.
The body is a wonderful thing ... for example, if in pain, muscles try to protect and they do so by going into spasm (this is not the spasm of Dystonia, which is quite different, though similar) and if muscles could speak they would say; " I'll go into spasm here and hold this joint tight so Margaret won't feel the pain of bone grinding on bone (arthritis)" . So my lovely muscles trying to prevent more joint damage of 'bone on bone' creates MORE pain by going into spasm. if I were to chat to my muscles I'd say "hey mate , you are NOT helping me here".
So it was I crawled to my GP in the most dire, excruciating RED hip pain ever. 
x-rays ordered and a week later results. "Yep, your hip is now 'bone on bone, with bony spurs'. Jeeze, I thought, hip replacement, that's gonna take months if not years to get done. How can I endure this pain much longer? The GP up's my morphine dose and refers me to Orthopaedic Consultant.
Yesterday I went to the physiotherapist. Not the HSE ones that give you a sheet of paper with diagrams of how to do exercises on it. But a HSE physiotherapy manager who actually DOES physio. I mean he knows spasm. He knows muscles. he knows hands on.
To advise you all....very rarely these days do HSE physiotherapists do hands on, manipulative physiotherapy. Why? because it takes a good half hour to hour of intense physical work they have either no time for, don't want to do or cannot do because they are allocating only 10 minutes per patient to save money. There are not enough physiotherapists. Personally I sometimes think it sheer laziness.
The HSE explanation for pictures versus 'hands on' is a nice exercise in preventing cognitive dissonance. That feeling that you are a complete fraud. So to prevent your guilt you accept as truth... "There is no evidence that hands on physiotherapy is any more effective than exercise".
Bullshit.
The 'hands on' is absolutely mandatory if you have dystonic spasm or muscle spasm from skeletal 'safeguarding'. Spasm hurts. Spasms are knots of knotty, hard, scrunched up muscles. No amount of 'exercise' gets scrunched up spasm-ed muscles 'un-scrunched'. In fact all that happens is the spasms become fixed and even more scrunched up muscles results.
How do I know? because I friggin KNOW!
I had marched into my physiotherapist and announced; "you are NOT touching my hip" in bolshie 64 year old figgin agony mode. But this gentle Muslim man, married with two children and a goatee beard, living in Ireland, has golden hands. "lie down on your tummy". He smiled benignly.
Ah Achmed, you put me through your 'hands on' wringer last night.
to which he laughed and....continued....and continued.
you know what. I think it was not my hip, but a slipped disc in lower spine. I know I have several bulging discs there. I think...he must have realigned my lower spine a bit.
whatever he did...I love him.
Sunday, September 11, 2016
"You should be grateful" - Society's annihilation of irish older crips
In America the disability community are fighting a 14 year old disabled girls wish to kill herself. They argue her medical care and lack of support is forcing her to make this decision.
They argue governments love euthanasia laws as it allows them to coerce disabled people to get off the health and welfare books! Meanwhile the 'normal' typicals ( non-disabled people) rally around the 14 year old declaring her beautiful, courageous, wonderful...for making this decision. They throw her a mega party as their farewell to her. even though same teenager expressed she was isolated, lonely, had no friends, because she was disabled, Before her declared wish to die. They all come out of the woodwork to admire her death-wish. One more useless life to feed, they celebrate!
Here in Ireland, I feel suicidal, my twin feels suicidal, not due to our illness, or disability but due to loneliness, abandonment by the family, the community and government services, or lack of them....which force us into extremes of distress, difficulties, and penury. We do not live a life...we merely exist, in deepest depression caused by HSE lack of care and support. HSE abuse.
No-one really cares . We are 63 years old...not WORTH Saving, rallying around, fighting for. We are deemed complainers for even ASKING for more support. Our right to object to annihilation by state is seen as ungrateful. We should be grateful crips. Gratitude should ooze out of our pores.,gratitude for home help hours, a new wheelchair and a few PA HOURS. it doesn't matter it's not enough given our disease Or disabilIty. Doesn't matter we had to squeeze meagre help out of the HSE ( irish health service) , that it took 5 years of abject suffering in the old second hand power wheelchairs given by the HSE. Doesn't matter the HSE did everything in it's power to NOT Give us the wheelchairs we needed. Doesnt matter the abuse and denigration heaped upon us by an abusive primary care management of the HSE.
tokenistic service IS what we should be grateful for. We should have been grateful for any damned wheelchair, even if it crippled us, caused severe pain, and nearly killed us. It doesn't matter that we are still in medical and care crises., it doesn't matter. We are age. 63 , not worth it! How dare you even ask, journalists ignore The ungrateful complaining sick disabled person. Only the acceptable crip is honoured.
And when we express the human rights dimension we are called whingers. No-one comes out to fight disabled, sick or elderly HUMAN RIGHTS. TD's profess support but do nothing. Local CC's don't answer emails. Journalists ignore. Consultants DON'T prioritise. Even more, neglect.
But we don't only fight the HSE for ourselves, we fight for ALL sick, older, disabled person in Ireland. Discarded by the state as 'useless eaters'! ( Hilter's justification for killing disabled people).
The sickening irish scene of apathy and dis- interest in the suffering, older, disabled, sick person is staggering. If we did commit suicide the state, family, community would NOT BE BLAMED. sure even the killer who killed his wife and children were not blamed!
So the state, 'killers' of sick, old, disabled people would be let off scot free. Our suicide would be entirely our fault! I can visualise the HSE sighing with relief. " thank god the Kennedy twins are gone"
"You should be grateful" - Society's annihilation of irish older crips
In America the disability community are fighting a 14 year old disabled girls wish to kill herself. They argue her medical care and lack of support is forcing her to make this decision.
They argue governments love euthanasia laws as it allows them to coerce disabled people to get off the health and welfare books! Meanwhile the 'normal' typicals ( non-disabled people) rally around the 14 year old declaring her beautiful, courageous, wonderful...for making this decision. They throw her a mega party as their farewell to her. even though same teenager expressed she was isolated, lonely, had no friends, because she was disabled, Before her declared wish to die. They all come out of the woodwork to admire her death-wish. One more useless life to feed, they celebrate!
Here in Ireland, I feel suicidal, my twin feels suicidal, not due to our illness, or disability but due to loneliness, abandonment by the family, the community and government services, or lack of them....which force us into extremes of distress, difficulties, and penury. We do not live a life...we merely exist, in deepest depression caused by HSE lack of care and support. HSE abuse.
No-one really cares . We are 63 years old...not WORTH Saving, rallying around, fighting for. We are deemed complainers for even ASKING for more support. Our right to object to annihilation by state is seen as ungrateful. We should be grateful crips. Gratitude should ooze out of our pores.,gratitude for home help hours, a new wheelchair and a few PA HOURS. it doesn't matter it's not enough given our disease Or disabilIty. Doesn't matter we had to squeeze meagre help out of the HSE ( irish health service) , that it took 5 years of abject suffering in the old second hand power wheelchairs given by the HSE. Doesn't matter the HSE did everything in it's power to NOT Give us the wheelchairs we needed. Doesnt matter the abuse and denigration heaped upon us by an abusive primary care management of the HSE.
tokenistic service IS what we should be grateful for. We should have been grateful for any damned wheelchair, even if it crippled us, caused severe pain, and nearly killed us. It doesn't matter that we are still in medical and care crises., it doesn't matter. We are age. 63 , not worth it! How dare you even ask, journalists ignore The ungrateful complaining sick disabled person. Only the acceptable crip is honoured.
And when we express the human rights dimension we are called whingers. No-one comes out to fight disabled, sick or elderly HUMAN RIGHTS. TD's profess support but do nothing. Local CC's don't answer emails. Journalists ignore. Consultants DON'T prioritise. Even more, neglect.
But we don't only fight the HSE for ourselves, we fight for ALL sick, older, disabled person in Ireland. Discarded by the state as 'useless eaters'! ( Hilter's justification for killing disabled people).
The sickening irish scene of apathy and dis- interest in the suffering, older, disabled, sick person is staggering. If we did commit suicide the state, family, community would NOT BE BLAMED. sure even the killer who killed his wife and children were not blamed!
So the state, 'killers' of sick, old, disabled people would be let off scot free. Our suicide would be entirely our fault! I can visualise the HSE sighing with relief. " thank god the Kennedy twins are gone"
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Coming Home to Ireland
The Irish Times do a column on Irish people who return to live in Ireland. I've never attempted to get my 'returning home' experience published. Why? I just know they wouldn't publish. Why? because it would criticise a much protected institution. Or rather, I'll rephrase that, they like clear cases of wrongdoing, preferably proven by recognised groups who make the inquiries, investigate or otherwise have clout of law.
They would be afraid of little 'ol me, criticising the institution called The HSE. They'd worry about such things as defamation. Though the HSE is not averse to defaming me.
Its seen as 'not the done thing' to complain much in Ireland. A culture I find amazing in its 'backwardness'. I think the Irish Catholic Culture of accepting what happens, not going against 'authority' together with sheep-like Irish tendencies mitigate against Justice. But very Irish...very 'Catholic'.
There is of course something in the Irish psyche towards 'incestuous non-sexual behaviour'. I mean by that; "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours". "I'll cover up for you, if you cover up for me". Brown envelopes. Cover-up...lies. and if the institution needs to protect itself, then no patient is safe.
Any means to defend oneself is justifiable in the HSE institution. any means at all...even lies, or the lesser, 'economy of the truth', equally pernicious.
That's my experience of 'returning home'.
As a sick, disabled older woman...Ireland is a death trap. Particularly if you have a rare disease, no family, few friends, are single and you hate injustice.
For fragility alongside rage is a disaster to health care. The rage of injustice can overwhelm the fragile self. So what is left is a sense of futility leading to depression. When the HSE reframes the patients rage as "aggression" rather than 'righteous' , the patient is abandoned. But fragility does not cope with abandonment well. And the fragile soul who cannot, cannot compromise on Justice is in an impossible position.
So when the fragile soul realises they are health abandoned, health neglected, health abused, where does she go? There is no-where. When the sick, disabled person is neither treated, cared for or supported, there is nothing....a void of terrible pain that feeds the rage that the HSE exploit. So manipulative HSE use the patients rage to justify no care and as rage increases so does abandonment....and then no-one cares.
and the 'Charities' who are deemed the saviours of distressed souls, compromise on support because 'in hock' to the HSE they fear the HSE wrath also. and the Government who give the Charities their grants fail to act for that would implicate THEM in propping up the abusive HSE institution. So you see, its all incestuously entwined....the poor ol sick , disabled person is bottom of a ladder they cannot ever climb.
There is NO health Justice. No health service for the poor, the public, None. and those who complain... campaign, refuse to play the game are dumped in the HSE rubbish bin ...there to rot.
and everyone breathes a sigh of relief...they've 'dealt' with her.
That's my experience of 'returning HOME'.
To an incestuous country, To a country that has abandoned the sick, the old, disabled person. (and poor, homeless, and others)...where CARE left the psyche of the health institution years ago.
I didn't know this before I came home. I thought Ireland was that lovely island of generosity and fun. It is, to an extent, but there are conditions... don't ask for help. You MUST be self sufficient, well, young and productive. All else...don't apply.
You are no longer an Irish citizen.
They would be afraid of little 'ol me, criticising the institution called The HSE. They'd worry about such things as defamation. Though the HSE is not averse to defaming me.
Its seen as 'not the done thing' to complain much in Ireland. A culture I find amazing in its 'backwardness'. I think the Irish Catholic Culture of accepting what happens, not going against 'authority' together with sheep-like Irish tendencies mitigate against Justice. But very Irish...very 'Catholic'.
There is of course something in the Irish psyche towards 'incestuous non-sexual behaviour'. I mean by that; "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours". "I'll cover up for you, if you cover up for me". Brown envelopes. Cover-up...lies. and if the institution needs to protect itself, then no patient is safe.
Any means to defend oneself is justifiable in the HSE institution. any means at all...even lies, or the lesser, 'economy of the truth', equally pernicious.
That's my experience of 'returning home'.
As a sick, disabled older woman...Ireland is a death trap. Particularly if you have a rare disease, no family, few friends, are single and you hate injustice.
For fragility alongside rage is a disaster to health care. The rage of injustice can overwhelm the fragile self. So what is left is a sense of futility leading to depression. When the HSE reframes the patients rage as "aggression" rather than 'righteous' , the patient is abandoned. But fragility does not cope with abandonment well. And the fragile soul who cannot, cannot compromise on Justice is in an impossible position.
So when the fragile soul realises they are health abandoned, health neglected, health abused, where does she go? There is no-where. When the sick, disabled person is neither treated, cared for or supported, there is nothing....a void of terrible pain that feeds the rage that the HSE exploit. So manipulative HSE use the patients rage to justify no care and as rage increases so does abandonment....and then no-one cares.
and the 'Charities' who are deemed the saviours of distressed souls, compromise on support because 'in hock' to the HSE they fear the HSE wrath also. and the Government who give the Charities their grants fail to act for that would implicate THEM in propping up the abusive HSE institution. So you see, its all incestuously entwined....the poor ol sick , disabled person is bottom of a ladder they cannot ever climb.
There is NO health Justice. No health service for the poor, the public, None. and those who complain... campaign, refuse to play the game are dumped in the HSE rubbish bin ...there to rot.
and everyone breathes a sigh of relief...they've 'dealt' with her.
That's my experience of 'returning HOME'.
To an incestuous country, To a country that has abandoned the sick, the old, disabled person. (and poor, homeless, and others)...where CARE left the psyche of the health institution years ago.
I didn't know this before I came home. I thought Ireland was that lovely island of generosity and fun. It is, to an extent, but there are conditions... don't ask for help. You MUST be self sufficient, well, young and productive. All else...don't apply.
You are no longer an Irish citizen.
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Mitochondrial disease
There is nothing in Ireland for those who have mito. We are trying to change this!
http://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.irishtv.ie%2Fwicklow-matters-91&h=RAQHtPpyV&enc=AZPWB8i3VN23mKviybOCxfE7BIOYLXLbh1iKHfS7FxtiNtuwGKIoylNIwT4bEKVs2g5OU7qXk6iP_wXw89b6XF0g9T3EePBkAPoiWlUzh6GH0bJmVMO-8RPIAuARLDFCtS4NVYD7BI2y_7KEmqqsT5PYE5zqn46qy2wQ9Yg3cf3rDGZJAlBS8PNrxTsjhKrmdAU&s=1
Watch this film
http://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.irishtv.ie%2Fwicklow-matters-91&h=RAQHtPpyV&enc=AZPWB8i3VN23mKviybOCxfE7BIOYLXLbh1iKHfS7FxtiNtuwGKIoylNIwT4bEKVs2g5OU7qXk6iP_wXw89b6XF0g9T3EePBkAPoiWlUzh6GH0bJmVMO-8RPIAuARLDFCtS4NVYD7BI2y_7KEmqqsT5PYE5zqn46qy2wQ9Yg3cf3rDGZJAlBS8PNrxTsjhKrmdAU&s=1
Watch this film
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
RARE and ignored in ireland
What's it like to live 'rare' in Ireland? Living RARE is a term used by those of us living with a rare disease, or a disease no doctor understand but knows exists.
There is an organisation entitled 'syndrome without a name': SWAN. It supports hundreds clearly sick or disabled by objective testing but no one know what or why of that disease process. Living RARE is a nightmare.
Being a SWAN is a nightmare.
Your doctor hasn't a clue what to say, how to help, or in some cases accuses you of making it up, or being 'soma form' ( psychiatrically ill).
In my case there are, mercifully, tests results that prove a disease process. I do have parkinsonism, I do have muscle myopathy, I do have dystonia, and I do have a metabolic disorder. But unlike sums that add up to give you a correct total, here there is no total. Adding it up leaves nada under the line!
Living RARE is utterly lonely. Utterly isolating. Utterly frightening.
Your brain is constantly trying to understand, trying to figure out something that is happening in your body. It's exhausting.
Why is my foot turning in?
Why can I not walk?
Why are my muscles dying?
Why do I shake?
Why do my bowels not work?
Why am I incontinent ( intermittent)
Why do I vomit?
Why do I sometimes feel like I'm going to die?
Why is my blood pressure all over the shop?
Why is my sight going?
Why , why, why...drives me nuts in frustration. I want to know. Oh yes, I want to know.
The docs can say your muscles are deteriorating , they can say your brain is buggered, aka disintegrating, they can say, you don't make energy for cells to work...but no-one can say why. No-one can tell me the mechanism of my disease.
They tell me I have mitochondrial disease. This is an umbrella term for a range of mitochondrial disorders. Such as...
Leigh
LHON
MIDD
MELAS
NARP
MERRFF
CPEEO
PEARSON SYNDROME
KEARNS SAYRE SYNDROME
MNGIE
SENGERS SYNDROME
EGDEL SYNDROME
all mito disease. There are more. But though I have the symptoms of some of these conditions, my
cluster of symptoms, or phenotype in medical speak....is not recognised, known, seen before!
I'm living with a beast on my back that no one recognises!
Meanwhile those around you think you are making it up, because you cannot name it, and have never heard of mitochondrial disorders.
I don't like being RARE, I don't like being a SWAN.
I long for the day a doctor will tell me...we know what's going wrong. We know why this is all happening. We have a name for it. We KNOW NOW!
There won't be a cure. There are no cures for mito. You slowly, or not so slowly...edge towards that ultimate end, slowly or not so slowly disintegrating.
But as the saying goes..."Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't"
Until that day of 'knowing' I'll fight to get the answers and no doctor can tell me 'don't focus on finding the 'why', the 'what', focus on the symptom and how to live with it. Er ....NO....( well yes, too) but NO ...I'm focusing on identifying the devil.....for I'm simply not good with a RARE on my back .
No good at all.
There is an organisation entitled 'syndrome without a name': SWAN. It supports hundreds clearly sick or disabled by objective testing but no one know what or why of that disease process. Living RARE is a nightmare.
Being a SWAN is a nightmare.
Your doctor hasn't a clue what to say, how to help, or in some cases accuses you of making it up, or being 'soma form' ( psychiatrically ill).
In my case there are, mercifully, tests results that prove a disease process. I do have parkinsonism, I do have muscle myopathy, I do have dystonia, and I do have a metabolic disorder. But unlike sums that add up to give you a correct total, here there is no total. Adding it up leaves nada under the line!
Living RARE is utterly lonely. Utterly isolating. Utterly frightening.
Your brain is constantly trying to understand, trying to figure out something that is happening in your body. It's exhausting.
Why is my foot turning in?
Why can I not walk?
Why are my muscles dying?
Why do I shake?
Why do my bowels not work?
Why am I incontinent ( intermittent)
Why do I vomit?
Why do I sometimes feel like I'm going to die?
Why is my blood pressure all over the shop?
Why is my sight going?
Why , why, why...drives me nuts in frustration. I want to know. Oh yes, I want to know.
The docs can say your muscles are deteriorating , they can say your brain is buggered, aka disintegrating, they can say, you don't make energy for cells to work...but no-one can say why. No-one can tell me the mechanism of my disease.
They tell me I have mitochondrial disease. This is an umbrella term for a range of mitochondrial disorders. Such as...
Leigh
LHON
MIDD
MELAS
NARP
MERRFF
CPEEO
PEARSON SYNDROME
KEARNS SAYRE SYNDROME
MNGIE
SENGERS SYNDROME
EGDEL SYNDROME
all mito disease. There are more. But though I have the symptoms of some of these conditions, my
cluster of symptoms, or phenotype in medical speak....is not recognised, known, seen before!
I'm living with a beast on my back that no one recognises!
Meanwhile those around you think you are making it up, because you cannot name it, and have never heard of mitochondrial disorders.
I don't like being RARE, I don't like being a SWAN.
I long for the day a doctor will tell me...we know what's going wrong. We know why this is all happening. We have a name for it. We KNOW NOW!
There won't be a cure. There are no cures for mito. You slowly, or not so slowly...edge towards that ultimate end, slowly or not so slowly disintegrating.
But as the saying goes..."Better the devil you know, than the devil you don't"
Until that day of 'knowing' I'll fight to get the answers and no doctor can tell me 'don't focus on finding the 'why', the 'what', focus on the symptom and how to live with it. Er ....NO....( well yes, too) but NO ...I'm focusing on identifying the devil.....for I'm simply not good with a RARE on my back .
No good at all.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
'Austerity ' creating abusive professionals
I went into social work because I CARED. I knew people suffered, I didn't like suffering, I didn't like the hurt people felt. I wanted them to know justice, love, care. Of course it was mega transference. I never knew love growing up. It hurt. But inside I learned there must be healing. I hoped my work showed that love.
I am grateful my period as a social worker was in a different time. I barely had any conscious knowledge of budgets or constraints on what I could do. I never reached the manager level. Thank god. I went from senior to lecturer. In lecturing I never had to teach staff to work towards budgets!
We had a job to do and we were going to do it because we CARED.
I am appalled at where professionals are 'at' these days. Little more than social 'bankers', or worse, 'money lenders'.
The 'social banker' is the manager. Restricting 'care' because care costs. He / she is NOT concerned about social care, no, they are more concerned with their 'bank' and lie about, manipulate and reconstruct the client in order to save 'the bank'. It is power and it's political.
Thus the costly client is no more vulnerable, but aggressive. No more needy, but demanding, no more suffering, but exaggerating.
What's so pernicious is that complaint about the 'care' received is reconfigured by the 'social banker'...'we have given this client highly skilled professional care', which is never truly defined.
And when the client does define what passes as 'highly skilled professional care', well the Emperor
(banker) has no clothes'. nakedness revealed, maligns the client.
The 'rePositioning' of client as malicious, devious, coercive, aggressive...all saves money, saves 'face', re clothes the Emperor. The 'social banker' is good at their job.
So who is the social 'money lender'? These are professionals who give but want interest back. The professional who demand gratitude, demand thanks, demand nothing but the grovelling client, created as ego builders for the 'social money lenders'. Anything less the professional destroys. For that professional power is needed by the social money lender who cannot function without it. The client, in debt, is a client powerless. And an ego protected from guilt, and shame for what they do.
I am appalled at how some professionals simply have no 'vocation', lost that inner guiding force of love. They have been 'bought' by the greatest 'banker'. The political leaders(s).
Do they truly believe they give the best to the client?
Have they been brainwashed.
How could they BELIEVE what they dare write or say?
How can they blame the client socially, emotionally, economically, medically, 'hungry', seeking help, and give
scraps, not a meal?
What has happened to professionals who give half a service or none yet justify it?
The OT not willing to challenge the crap wheelchairs they are asked to deliver to sick, disabled clients?
How can the social worker 'assess' the client as not needing a social worker full knowing the post is vacant and embargoed by the banker?
How can the podiatrist source cheep alleged 'orthopaedic ' shoes from china and argue they are 'good'!
How can the 'social banker' believe that saving money...is their vocation. Even if it strips the vulnerable to their very souls?
Each and every professional plays the austerity 'game', because they need their job and clients are 'sacrificed' on the altar of austerity so that they can keep their jobs.
They've lost that thing in MY soul when I cared for clients. It was called love.
And LOVE does not allow austerity. Rebels and fights austerity. It is LOVE that ignited MY professional soul....oh I'm so proud that I LOVED. and I DID LOVE...deeply.
I am grateful my period as a social worker was in a different time. I barely had any conscious knowledge of budgets or constraints on what I could do. I never reached the manager level. Thank god. I went from senior to lecturer. In lecturing I never had to teach staff to work towards budgets!
We had a job to do and we were going to do it because we CARED.
I am appalled at where professionals are 'at' these days. Little more than social 'bankers', or worse, 'money lenders'.
The 'social banker' is the manager. Restricting 'care' because care costs. He / she is NOT concerned about social care, no, they are more concerned with their 'bank' and lie about, manipulate and reconstruct the client in order to save 'the bank'. It is power and it's political.
Thus the costly client is no more vulnerable, but aggressive. No more needy, but demanding, no more suffering, but exaggerating.
What's so pernicious is that complaint about the 'care' received is reconfigured by the 'social banker'...'we have given this client highly skilled professional care', which is never truly defined.
And when the client does define what passes as 'highly skilled professional care', well the Emperor
(banker) has no clothes'. nakedness revealed, maligns the client.
The 'rePositioning' of client as malicious, devious, coercive, aggressive...all saves money, saves 'face', re clothes the Emperor. The 'social banker' is good at their job.
So who is the social 'money lender'? These are professionals who give but want interest back. The professional who demand gratitude, demand thanks, demand nothing but the grovelling client, created as ego builders for the 'social money lenders'. Anything less the professional destroys. For that professional power is needed by the social money lender who cannot function without it. The client, in debt, is a client powerless. And an ego protected from guilt, and shame for what they do.
I am appalled at how some professionals simply have no 'vocation', lost that inner guiding force of love. They have been 'bought' by the greatest 'banker'. The political leaders(s).
Do they truly believe they give the best to the client?
Have they been brainwashed.
How could they BELIEVE what they dare write or say?
How can they blame the client socially, emotionally, economically, medically, 'hungry', seeking help, and give
scraps, not a meal?
What has happened to professionals who give half a service or none yet justify it?
The OT not willing to challenge the crap wheelchairs they are asked to deliver to sick, disabled clients?
How can the social worker 'assess' the client as not needing a social worker full knowing the post is vacant and embargoed by the banker?
How can the podiatrist source cheep alleged 'orthopaedic ' shoes from china and argue they are 'good'!
How can the 'social banker' believe that saving money...is their vocation. Even if it strips the vulnerable to their very souls?
Each and every professional plays the austerity 'game', because they need their job and clients are 'sacrificed' on the altar of austerity so that they can keep their jobs.
They've lost that thing in MY soul when I cared for clients. It was called love.
And LOVE does not allow austerity. Rebels and fights austerity. It is LOVE that ignited MY professional soul....oh I'm so proud that I LOVED. and I DID LOVE...deeply.
Friday, March 25, 2016
The Meaning of 1916 for ALL citizens of the REPUBLIC of Ireland
I am Irish. I am proud to be Irish. I came of parents who were of protestant (father) and Catholic (mother) tradition, Both proud to be Irish. Dad my protestant father never failed to share his Irishness. All through the Northern Irish 'troubles' my father did not argue, engage or otherwise voice an opinion. Neither did my mother. neither did the children. We were not political. We just got on with living. We declared ourselves Irish.
I lived in Ireland until 18 years old. I left in 1971, those years pre EU where Ireland had nothing to offer girls except nursing and secretarial work and 'the bank'. Yes, Dad wanted me to go into the bank. It was the ideal girls job. I wanted to go to nurse at Great Ormond street children's hospital. That's where I went at 18. I returned to Ireland age 57. I came 'home'. Its where my heart always was. I WANTED to 'come home'.
I wanted to die in Ireland. To see if I could in my last days offer anything to MY country.
Being sick and disabled I soon realised my country is not a country for sick and disabled people. Or poor people, or old people, or homeless people, or travellers, or refugees. The people of Ireland do care about others but within certain parameters only. Protesting loudly only for free water but not health care. trying to get any protest about what is happening disabled people is virtually impossible and the media just don't want to publish anything at all. It simply doesn't 'interest' people. Well, it seems that way. Being sick and disabled in Ireland is a nightmare. you cannot feel 'free'.
50 years ago I was 13. It was the 50th anniversary of 1916. We celebrated. My school, the Convent of the Holy Child Jesus in Killiney, Co Dublin, was run by an English order of nuns. A 'posh' school then and now, but I was a 'charity case', my parents could afford little. middle class in status but not in income! we were 'posh poor'. Many don't even know we exist. An uncomfortable and unhappy place to be. Accepted by neither the 'posh' nor 'the poor'.
The Nuns were quite close to 'feminist' that you could get in those times, educated, open, and wide in the breath of teaching. Mum chose to send us there because she told us; "they wouldn't try to convert your father". they didn't, nor did they try. These English nuns took us to Dublin Castle to see the exhibition of 1916. we did 'projects'. Here is mine and twins 'project'. Our 1916 scrap book.
I am forced now to consider the 'proclamation' of 1916. Those words of our first leaders. They wanted ...and they PROCLAIMED for all Irish people...declared 'equality', 'rights', 'opportunities', 'happiness' and 'prosperity' in an ethos of 'cherishing' all citizens of this new Republic of Ireland.
But now 100 years later, our leaders have betrayed us. and we are still celebrating. Such a 'celebration' feels dishonest to me. None of our leaders have lived by this Proclamation. Over the years we were divided not protestant against catholic , that largely did NOT happen in the Republic but rather 'rich against poor'.
Health was divided between the haves who could afford insurance and a better health service and the poor who could not so had to, still have to, rely on a substandard, increasingly so, public health system. Yes, in this 'equal' republic you can buy your hip replacement, your physiotherapy, your quick appointment, x-ray, MRI , but on a public list wait a year or more for 'equal' to happen!
The division between rich and poor goes right through Irish alleged 'REPUBLICAN' society. the wealthy have housing, the poor do not. Indeed public housing has decreased and whilst bankers beggared this country they got off scot free, with huge stashed away lolly to retire for the rest of their lives, whilst the poor are thrown out by bailiffs of the Banks wanting more money back!
Our young are emigrating in droves as I did age 18 in 1971, when there was nothing to offer...there is STILL nothing to offer. Hail the REPUBLIC, that proclaimed 'opportunities, happiness, prosperity'.
Suicide has risen exponentially to the politics of 'austerity' which is NOT an Irish Republican ideology but a German devised EU economic takeover of a sovereign nation, yet our leaders don't see this. Where is the 'independence' of 1916 now? Where sovereignty? Where is the freedom from a nations control? First it was the English, now it is Europe, but really Germany and France. We are not free, nor sovereign , nor a RUPUBLIC.
The Irish heart has changed over the 100 years. still generous but growing weary, the poor, the less well off, the old, the disabled peoples are now seen as burdens, a drain on the economy. We apparently get too much 'free' care (benefits) , too much help, too much...that the nation cannot afford. We should therefore die. 'happiness and prosperity' is only for the productive , the ones who can contribute to the economy'. Those of us who apparently don't contribute (but you see, we do, because ALL our doctors, nurses, carers, etc... all have a job and income off our backs- but they forget that) should die.
Soft euthanasia I call it. They think with us ignored, shoved in the background, starved of services...will die and save the glorious REPUBLIC's money. This is not, despite the proclamation, a nation for ALL.
I may sound bitter, or angry or ungrateful but I prefer to call myself honest.
This is the only honest analysis of an Irish Republic that had the principles of equality, opportunity, happiness, prosperity, for the whole nation, not just a section of it, that simply was a one day wonder, on that day it was read a 100 years ago.
I feel absolutely sure this is NOT the Irish Republic that was envisioned by
Thomas Clarke, Sean Mac Diarmada, Thomas MacDonagh, Patrick Pearce, Eamonn Ceannt, James Connolly, and Joseph Plunkett. Signatories of the Irish Proclamation 1916, on behalf of the Provisional Government of the Irish Republic to the People of Ireland.
That's me on the right holding the Irish flag...yes, back to front, upside down... perhaps symbolic of the failed 'Republic'.
I lived in Ireland until 18 years old. I left in 1971, those years pre EU where Ireland had nothing to offer girls except nursing and secretarial work and 'the bank'. Yes, Dad wanted me to go into the bank. It was the ideal girls job. I wanted to go to nurse at Great Ormond street children's hospital. That's where I went at 18. I returned to Ireland age 57. I came 'home'. Its where my heart always was. I WANTED to 'come home'.
I wanted to die in Ireland. To see if I could in my last days offer anything to MY country.
Being sick and disabled I soon realised my country is not a country for sick and disabled people. Or poor people, or old people, or homeless people, or travellers, or refugees. The people of Ireland do care about others but within certain parameters only. Protesting loudly only for free water but not health care. trying to get any protest about what is happening disabled people is virtually impossible and the media just don't want to publish anything at all. It simply doesn't 'interest' people. Well, it seems that way. Being sick and disabled in Ireland is a nightmare. you cannot feel 'free'.
50 years ago I was 13. It was the 50th anniversary of 1916. We celebrated. My school, the Convent of the Holy Child Jesus in Killiney, Co Dublin, was run by an English order of nuns. A 'posh' school then and now, but I was a 'charity case', my parents could afford little. middle class in status but not in income! we were 'posh poor'. Many don't even know we exist. An uncomfortable and unhappy place to be. Accepted by neither the 'posh' nor 'the poor'.
The Nuns were quite close to 'feminist' that you could get in those times, educated, open, and wide in the breath of teaching. Mum chose to send us there because she told us; "they wouldn't try to convert your father". they didn't, nor did they try. These English nuns took us to Dublin Castle to see the exhibition of 1916. we did 'projects'. Here is mine and twins 'project'. Our 1916 scrap book.
I am forced now to consider the 'proclamation' of 1916. Those words of our first leaders. They wanted ...and they PROCLAIMED for all Irish people...declared 'equality', 'rights', 'opportunities', 'happiness' and 'prosperity' in an ethos of 'cherishing' all citizens of this new Republic of Ireland.
" The Republic guarantees religious and civil liberty, equal rights and equal opportunities to all its citizens' and declares its resolve to pursue the happiness and prosperity of the whole nation and of all its parts, cherishing all the children of the nation equally. "
But now 100 years later, our leaders have betrayed us. and we are still celebrating. Such a 'celebration' feels dishonest to me. None of our leaders have lived by this Proclamation. Over the years we were divided not protestant against catholic , that largely did NOT happen in the Republic but rather 'rich against poor'.
Health was divided between the haves who could afford insurance and a better health service and the poor who could not so had to, still have to, rely on a substandard, increasingly so, public health system. Yes, in this 'equal' republic you can buy your hip replacement, your physiotherapy, your quick appointment, x-ray, MRI , but on a public list wait a year or more for 'equal' to happen!
The division between rich and poor goes right through Irish alleged 'REPUBLICAN' society. the wealthy have housing, the poor do not. Indeed public housing has decreased and whilst bankers beggared this country they got off scot free, with huge stashed away lolly to retire for the rest of their lives, whilst the poor are thrown out by bailiffs of the Banks wanting more money back!
Our young are emigrating in droves as I did age 18 in 1971, when there was nothing to offer...there is STILL nothing to offer. Hail the REPUBLIC, that proclaimed 'opportunities, happiness, prosperity'.
Suicide has risen exponentially to the politics of 'austerity' which is NOT an Irish Republican ideology but a German devised EU economic takeover of a sovereign nation, yet our leaders don't see this. Where is the 'independence' of 1916 now? Where sovereignty? Where is the freedom from a nations control? First it was the English, now it is Europe, but really Germany and France. We are not free, nor sovereign , nor a RUPUBLIC.
The Irish heart has changed over the 100 years. still generous but growing weary, the poor, the less well off, the old, the disabled peoples are now seen as burdens, a drain on the economy. We apparently get too much 'free' care (benefits) , too much help, too much...that the nation cannot afford. We should therefore die. 'happiness and prosperity' is only for the productive , the ones who can contribute to the economy'. Those of us who apparently don't contribute (but you see, we do, because ALL our doctors, nurses, carers, etc... all have a job and income off our backs- but they forget that) should die.
Soft euthanasia I call it. They think with us ignored, shoved in the background, starved of services...will die and save the glorious REPUBLIC's money. This is not, despite the proclamation, a nation for ALL.
I may sound bitter, or angry or ungrateful but I prefer to call myself honest.
This is the only honest analysis of an Irish Republic that had the principles of equality, opportunity, happiness, prosperity, for the whole nation, not just a section of it, that simply was a one day wonder, on that day it was read a 100 years ago.
I feel absolutely sure this is NOT the Irish Republic that was envisioned by
Thomas Clarke, Sean Mac Diarmada, Thomas MacDonagh, Patrick Pearce, Eamonn Ceannt, James Connolly, and Joseph Plunkett. Signatories of the Irish Proclamation 1916, on behalf of the Provisional Government of the Irish Republic to the People of Ireland.
Ann and Margaret Kennedy Fight for the 'proclamation rights of 1916
That's me on the right holding the Irish flag...yes, back to front, upside down... perhaps symbolic of the failed 'Republic'.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Coming Home To Ireland
For 42 years I lived away from Ireland. I left in 1972 as many young Irish girls did...to go nursing in Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital. I had wanted to be a children's nurse - THERE - only there, since I was age 12. It was my deepest hearts dream.
I got there, but it was bittersweet as my deafness and family 'baggage' caught up with me. I had a very tough time from age 18 to about 30. Repairing Irish damage. But repair I did, success followed. not as a nurse, but as a social worker, trying to protect disabled children from abuse. Alongside supporting adults sexually abused and exploited as children or as adults, by Christian clergy. And proudly my life's work, which was short, 20 years, was hugely valuable to many suffering people.
Ann Kennedy (left) & Margaret Kennedy; twins with mitochondrial disease
I made a decision to 'come home' to Ireland. Years of getting on the night 'mail boat' from Dun Laoghaire, and later flights from the airport, taught me the hardship of emigration. The pain of waving to your twin and your father, the only two who really missed me. The only two who ever said "goodbye", or "welcome home". I saw their heartbreak. Both wanted me home. Dad was forever asking; "when are you coming home?" Was now the time? Dad was gone, dead...Ann, my twin, wanted me home. I saw that I had no work to do in the UK and thought I'd come home to know Ireland, to stay in the land of my birth. To be HOME when ill and suffering. I had always missed Ireland. green is our blood.
There's no doubt about it...the Irish love Ireland...or they love the idea that is Ireland. that leprechaun mystery place. the worldwide sentimentality of Ireland appeals. The capitals of the world turn green every St Patrick's day. every capital goes green for ...US. Why? sentimentality. a wish for the fairies, the craic, the Irish. We seem to 'have' something. something we GIVE to other countries. Yes, we do GIVE. I gave to Britain. I thought I might come home and GIVE something to Ireland.
But Ireland rejected me. Why? because I was sick, disabled, needy. I had been ill in the UK, Parkinson's disease was diagnosed. I got brilliant care. I was well supported by the NHS. The public service. I was a patient of a top neurology department in London. Then I came home...because my heart was here. After all my 'goodbyes' I wanted to be HERE. I didn't know that Ireland's public health care was non-existent. I didn't know.
But my heart was breaking in my ill health. I needed to 'come home'. I thought my comfort would be here.
I wanted to know Ireland. Be part of Ireland. get to know my nephews and nieces, their children. I had a dream of family. I had a dream of fun and laughter with a new generation. I feared being alone in London and I thought I would not be alone here. After-all this was my country, they were my family. It would be good. Wouldn't it?
It was not to be. The HSE is not the NHS that's for sure. the mentality of care is not 'holy' Ireland, far from it. I learned in the last 6 years that the HSE is far from 'saints and scholars'. I've never met such cruel people as I have in the HSE. I'm still trying to absorb whether the cruelty is malicious or ignorance...I cannot figure it out. at all. Or is it political. The politics of Nazi euthanasia by stealth so begun in Germany in the 1920's and 30's with the belief we sick and disabled people are "useless eaters". or could it be (trying to put my caring slant on this) that HSE staff are overwhelmed by the lack of money to do what their hearts desire - to care, but cannot, they blame us for their frustration. its called scapegoating. We, who seem to 'ask for too much' which they cannot provide, hurt them. They hurt us in return. How dare these sick and disabled "useless eaters" ask for anything, let alone more! How dare they make us feel impotent. How dare this government put us in this position. At the end of the day its not politicians that are blamed, its us, the sick and disabled person. Everyone seems unhappy.
No-one but sick and disabled people themselves see this pernicious undercurrent in the worldwide health care systems, increasingly so, as the world embraces economic priorities over public care.
But, naively, I thought IRELAND would be different. Little did I know Ireland would be maliciously worse. Is this from our 'Holy' upbringing. That perverted Christianity that was NOT of Jesus. Where scapegoating of all oppressed groups was rife. Where poor boys were sent to industrial schools, poor girls were sent to Magdalene laundries, where pregnant girls were mercilessly treated as scum whilst the boys who made them pregnant scuttled away on the boat, or stayed protected. It was the girls fault. always is. and where the clergy routinely sexually abused and brutalised the boys and the girls...and got away with it. Is THIS what we learned? Is THIS where the Irish brutality was born? now seen in the inheritance of collective cruelty towards the homeless, sick, disabled and poor.
So how 'worse' is it. It's bad. I came home to a non-existent health care system. Now diagnosed with a very rare disease, both twin and I are largely wheelchair users. We have Mitochondrial Disease. Which involves the degeneration of our energy 'organelles' which in turn destroys our muscles, brain, heart, lungs, bowels...you name it...mito kills. We have Parkinsonism, Muscle Myopathy, metabolic disorder, Dystonia, Auto-immune disease, we are ill, disabled. Being a 'rare' in Ireland means being alone. Despite the 'Rare Diseases plan' document, there is NO RARE DISEASE PLAN!
Mito patients in Ireland have no services , no consultant who knows what they are enduring. No care that is holistic, co-ordinated, unified or safe.
We are afraid. Because no-one knows what Mito is. Let alone knows how to treat us.
This is beyond scary, this is a nightmare. And because there is no understanding the HSE treat us as if we are 'making it up'. They don't believe it. But is this a way to avoid the care we need? By deliberately 'not understanding' they can deliberately deny.
I still await a powered wheelchair that meets my need. I still await special shoes. I still await physiotherapy, I still await ....almost everything...that could make life worth living. But the HSE are well skilled in denying. They just know how to do it. They know how to deny, but at the same time say they are providing. Their skill at doing this knows no bounds. They just have the skill to say they are proving when they are not. boy, can they write a good - devious - letter! It is the Irish way.
I do not understand the Irish HSE. I've never seen this deviousness before. In all my years of nursing, social work and lecturing in the UK I've never experienced this deviousness. NEVER.
Its positively toxic. An undercurrent of evil that no-one wants to speak about. Whilst we turn a blind eye, sick and disabled public patients take the pain of it. We are being targeted as scapegoats for a sick and evil health system. Do we see the parades of protest? No. Nothing. Nothing at all.
As for 'family' , what of the young generation? I hardly see them. I know I don't 'register' on their 'caring' mind. I know that. I am an older, not that important Auntie, great Auntie. The fact I cannot go to see them because I'm ill, disabled...makes no impact. They still don't come to see me. Christmas presents lie in my spare room, for a nephew, his wife and children...still ...Where are the younger generation that could uphold my spirits? well, they are not.....here. Its very sad.
The Ireland I thought I was coming home to is just....not here.
Then as if blighted, illness befell me and quickly....no more work...a devastating blow as age 50+ high achiever, just getting going, just completed a doctorate. Slow to start, early to be stopped. The frustration knew no bounds.
Ann Kennedy (left) & Margaret Kennedy; twins with mitochondrial diseaseI made a decision to 'come home' to Ireland. Years of getting on the night 'mail boat' from Dun Laoghaire, and later flights from the airport, taught me the hardship of emigration. The pain of waving to your twin and your father, the only two who really missed me. The only two who ever said "goodbye", or "welcome home". I saw their heartbreak. Both wanted me home. Dad was forever asking; "when are you coming home?" Was now the time? Dad was gone, dead...Ann, my twin, wanted me home. I saw that I had no work to do in the UK and thought I'd come home to know Ireland, to stay in the land of my birth. To be HOME when ill and suffering. I had always missed Ireland. green is our blood.
There's no doubt about it...the Irish love Ireland...or they love the idea that is Ireland. that leprechaun mystery place. the worldwide sentimentality of Ireland appeals. The capitals of the world turn green every St Patrick's day. every capital goes green for ...US. Why? sentimentality. a wish for the fairies, the craic, the Irish. We seem to 'have' something. something we GIVE to other countries. Yes, we do GIVE. I gave to Britain. I thought I might come home and GIVE something to Ireland.
But Ireland rejected me. Why? because I was sick, disabled, needy. I had been ill in the UK, Parkinson's disease was diagnosed. I got brilliant care. I was well supported by the NHS. The public service. I was a patient of a top neurology department in London. Then I came home...because my heart was here. After all my 'goodbyes' I wanted to be HERE. I didn't know that Ireland's public health care was non-existent. I didn't know.
But my heart was breaking in my ill health. I needed to 'come home'. I thought my comfort would be here.
I wanted to know Ireland. Be part of Ireland. get to know my nephews and nieces, their children. I had a dream of family. I had a dream of fun and laughter with a new generation. I feared being alone in London and I thought I would not be alone here. After-all this was my country, they were my family. It would be good. Wouldn't it?
It was not to be. The HSE is not the NHS that's for sure. the mentality of care is not 'holy' Ireland, far from it. I learned in the last 6 years that the HSE is far from 'saints and scholars'. I've never met such cruel people as I have in the HSE. I'm still trying to absorb whether the cruelty is malicious or ignorance...I cannot figure it out. at all. Or is it political. The politics of Nazi euthanasia by stealth so begun in Germany in the 1920's and 30's with the belief we sick and disabled people are "useless eaters". or could it be (trying to put my caring slant on this) that HSE staff are overwhelmed by the lack of money to do what their hearts desire - to care, but cannot, they blame us for their frustration. its called scapegoating. We, who seem to 'ask for too much' which they cannot provide, hurt them. They hurt us in return. How dare these sick and disabled "useless eaters" ask for anything, let alone more! How dare they make us feel impotent. How dare this government put us in this position. At the end of the day its not politicians that are blamed, its us, the sick and disabled person. Everyone seems unhappy.
No-one but sick and disabled people themselves see this pernicious undercurrent in the worldwide health care systems, increasingly so, as the world embraces economic priorities over public care.
But, naively, I thought IRELAND would be different. Little did I know Ireland would be maliciously worse. Is this from our 'Holy' upbringing. That perverted Christianity that was NOT of Jesus. Where scapegoating of all oppressed groups was rife. Where poor boys were sent to industrial schools, poor girls were sent to Magdalene laundries, where pregnant girls were mercilessly treated as scum whilst the boys who made them pregnant scuttled away on the boat, or stayed protected. It was the girls fault. always is. and where the clergy routinely sexually abused and brutalised the boys and the girls...and got away with it. Is THIS what we learned? Is THIS where the Irish brutality was born? now seen in the inheritance of collective cruelty towards the homeless, sick, disabled and poor.
So how 'worse' is it. It's bad. I came home to a non-existent health care system. Now diagnosed with a very rare disease, both twin and I are largely wheelchair users. We have Mitochondrial Disease. Which involves the degeneration of our energy 'organelles' which in turn destroys our muscles, brain, heart, lungs, bowels...you name it...mito kills. We have Parkinsonism, Muscle Myopathy, metabolic disorder, Dystonia, Auto-immune disease, we are ill, disabled. Being a 'rare' in Ireland means being alone. Despite the 'Rare Diseases plan' document, there is NO RARE DISEASE PLAN!
Mito patients in Ireland have no services , no consultant who knows what they are enduring. No care that is holistic, co-ordinated, unified or safe.
We are afraid. Because no-one knows what Mito is. Let alone knows how to treat us.
This is beyond scary, this is a nightmare. And because there is no understanding the HSE treat us as if we are 'making it up'. They don't believe it. But is this a way to avoid the care we need? By deliberately 'not understanding' they can deliberately deny.
I still await a powered wheelchair that meets my need. I still await special shoes. I still await physiotherapy, I still await ....almost everything...that could make life worth living. But the HSE are well skilled in denying. They just know how to do it. They know how to deny, but at the same time say they are providing. Their skill at doing this knows no bounds. They just have the skill to say they are proving when they are not. boy, can they write a good - devious - letter! It is the Irish way.
I do not understand the Irish HSE. I've never seen this deviousness before. In all my years of nursing, social work and lecturing in the UK I've never experienced this deviousness. NEVER.
Its positively toxic. An undercurrent of evil that no-one wants to speak about. Whilst we turn a blind eye, sick and disabled public patients take the pain of it. We are being targeted as scapegoats for a sick and evil health system. Do we see the parades of protest? No. Nothing. Nothing at all.
As for 'family' , what of the young generation? I hardly see them. I know I don't 'register' on their 'caring' mind. I know that. I am an older, not that important Auntie, great Auntie. The fact I cannot go to see them because I'm ill, disabled...makes no impact. They still don't come to see me. Christmas presents lie in my spare room, for a nephew, his wife and children...still ...Where are the younger generation that could uphold my spirits? well, they are not.....here. Its very sad.
The Ireland I thought I was coming home to is just....not here.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
The complainer is mad, the complained about is sane...I dispute that emphatically!
In order to have your needs met in Ireland you must become a 'professional' in disability, health, law and advocacy! You can no longer assume you will be 'cared' for if sick or disabled.
For our health service, called the HSE is now simply a service that works to deny you any service at all! The ENERGY used by the 'skilled professional service' (sic-quote the HSE manger in my case) is solely on managing how NOT to provide a service.
So what service am I asking for?....well on the scale of things not that much:
Here they are! I am one client. I am asking for support as a sick, elderly, disabled person living independently and there are 18 files on me.
I am going through each file with a fine tooth comb. And I find the evidence of mismanagement, of disregard, of cynicism, of defamation, breaches of confidentiality, and more. Comments are made without fact. In fact, it seems, anything goes!
Reading these documents the 'tone' of my professional 'carer's' are less than caring...almost vicious, certainly cold, cool and angry.
I believe certain people are lying to cover their backs , redaction of large swathes seem suspiciously unnecessary. Thus telling me the cop out of ' protection of 3rd party information' under section 37 (1) is being misused to allow persons to 'say things about me - without me' knowing!
For our health service, called the HSE is now simply a service that works to deny you any service at all! The ENERGY used by the 'skilled professional service' (sic-quote the HSE manger in my case) is solely on managing how NOT to provide a service.
So what service am I asking for?....well on the scale of things not that much:
- A powered wheelchair I can use
- Physiotherapy, which is on-going, effective and helps me to be pain free for dystonia , arthritis and more.
- special shoes
- PA support to live life to the full, equally and purposively
- support to live independently.
Here they are! I am one client. I am asking for support as a sick, elderly, disabled person living independently and there are 18 files on me.
I am going through each file with a fine tooth comb. And I find the evidence of mismanagement, of disregard, of cynicism, of defamation, breaches of confidentiality, and more. Comments are made without fact. In fact, it seems, anything goes!
Reading these documents the 'tone' of my professional 'carer's' are less than caring...almost vicious, certainly cold, cool and angry.
I believe certain people are lying to cover their backs , redaction of large swathes seem suspiciously unnecessary. Thus telling me the cop out of ' protection of 3rd party information' under section 37 (1) is being misused to allow persons to 'say things about me - without me' knowing!
In some places there are many pages 'redacted' , as much as 6 pages, 10 pages, which can only mean a report about me (since this file is only about ME - its my file).
I find that letters to TD's or senators or even An Taoiseach are answered with 'economy of the truth' with a slant towards portraying me as 'difficult', 'obstructive' and 'challenging'. Well, that perception is theirs. I call it 'intelligent' responses to a broken service.
e.g "she refused the new wheelchair without even trying it". Yes I did because it did NOT have automatic tilt facilities, was NOT an outdoor wheelchair, which I needed, and was a cheep basic powered wheelchair not suitable to me needs. I know wheelchairs I research wheelchairs. I am not stupid. Nor had I , by the time of the offer, had a proper wheelchair and seating assessment.
"she refused wheelchair/seating assessment at .....hospital" , yes I did, because that hospital is NOT a recognised wheelchair and seating assessment establishment nor independent of the HSE. I wanted to go to an INDEPENDENT, specialist wheelchair and seating establishment. My right.
It now almost impossible to get TDs or Senators to do more than just 'write a letter' and to actively challenge HSE service provision. They send the first letter and you are delighted to finally find someone who will 'fight your corner' but quickly you find...ah...no...they only want to write ONE letter. And when the HSE respond that I have had an 'expert, skilled and fully professional service' the elected politicians take this as gospel. It is NOT in their best interest to make enemies of the HSE management.
The minister for Health Leo Varadkar has refused to meet me and says he cannot intervene:
Under the health act 2004, the Health Service executive) is required to manage, deliver, or arrange to be delivered on its behalf , health and personal social services. Under section 6 of the HSE governance act 2013 bars the Minister for Health from directing the HSE to provide a treatment or a personal service to any individual or to confer eligibility on any individual.
So, in fact the Minister for Health is NOT in charge of health. So why is he intervening in getting hospital A&E's serving individuals but not us in the community?
It was a nice Act, that 2013 Act, simply barred any ministerial oversight of the HSE in local communities.
Ditto charitable bodies...they write the first letter...then quickly back off. Why? because its NOT in THEIR best interest to upset the HSE from whom a large proportion of funding for their charity emanates from. Better not 'bite the hand that feeds you', sort of thing.
so where else can you go?
We disabled, sick people could go to the equality tribunal. An entity in name only. Most cannot afford the solicitors fees to be represented there. and even if the tribunal says its an 'informal, almost like mediation, all round the table like civilised human beings stuff...no its not!
you NEED legal representation and few solicitors take on the HSE and few do pro bono work. You'll find yourself faced with the full force of HSE barristers and solicitors across the table. I know. Been there.
What about the Human rights commission? Well that has been almost completely devastated by cuts to the service. you can wait years to be even considered. I know.
What about 'Your Say - Your Service', the HSE complaints body... Any complaints you make to the HSE are handled by HSE managers, of the very person you are complaining about! You invariably don't 'win'! You cant win. its designed for you NOT to win!
and if you make too many complaints you are deemed a 'serial complainer' under the vexatious policies...and in both mine and twins case made so without even being informed, which is against policies and illegal! Such that I complained about being called a serial complainer and for ONCE my complaint was upheld by the ombudsman.
They didn't get away with THAT little ploy.
You might say the 'relationship' between the client and the carer's (HSE) has irretrievably broken down...yes it has. seriously so.
Trust has been broken by the behaviour of an intransigent, bullying entity that the HSE has become.
So what happens the sick, disabled person denied any support, care or compassion by the HSE.....
They are referred to psychiatry....the last attack on the difficult, challenging, ungrateful sod of a client. They are mad, yes, defo....that's it.
Gotta be MAD to fight with the HSE.
My 'paranoia' of the HSE is rooted in evidence. I have the evidence but Ireland being Ireland I wouldn't be at all surprised if those of us who complain are sent to some new 'asylum'.
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Taoiseach calls out the 'whingers' in society
So he would like to call those of us who challenge this rhetoric that Ireland is 'in recovery! Calls us whingers!
Perhaps Ireland IS 'in recovery'....but from my viewpoint this is what I have seen....
Increase in suicide rates
Increase in depression and despair
Increase in emigration of younger people and consultants, doctors and nurses
Increase in homelessness
Increase in children homeless
Increase in poverty
Increase in food banks
Increase in waiting lists to see public consultants
Increase in waiting lists for hospital tests
Increase in hospitals waiting lists for surgery
Increase in prescription charges
Increase in abuse in institutions of learning disabled people
Increase in fear ...older people frighted of A&E
Disabled people in fear of having to return to institutions
Sick people in fear of lack of treatment
Increase of abandonment of those in need by all sectors of society
Decrease in support services to sick, older, disabled people
Decrease in benefits
Decrease in primary care medical services
No hospital transport
No physiotherapy
No appropriate wheelchairs
No nursing care in community
No, or very poor, emergency cover at night
Scrapping of help
Coeliac food off prescription
Transportation grant cut
Mobility allowances cut
And so it continues...how can this be called 'recovery'? Lives made hell !
This is NOT recovery.
I will 'whinge' until this FG / labour government is gone!
Emotional abuse by Enda Kenny of the electorate will not win votes. It's a disgrace that our leader should be so abusive....do I want him in power? Hell, I do not!
Perhaps Ireland IS 'in recovery'....but from my viewpoint this is what I have seen....
Increase in suicide rates
Increase in depression and despair
Increase in emigration of younger people and consultants, doctors and nurses
Increase in homelessness
Increase in children homeless
Increase in poverty
Increase in food banks
Increase in waiting lists to see public consultants
Increase in waiting lists for hospital tests
Increase in hospitals waiting lists for surgery
Increase in prescription charges
Increase in abuse in institutions of learning disabled people
Increase in fear ...older people frighted of A&E
Disabled people in fear of having to return to institutions
Sick people in fear of lack of treatment
Increase of abandonment of those in need by all sectors of society
Decrease in support services to sick, older, disabled people
Decrease in benefits
Decrease in primary care medical services
No hospital transport
No physiotherapy
No appropriate wheelchairs
No nursing care in community
No, or very poor, emergency cover at night
Scrapping of help
Coeliac food off prescription
Transportation grant cut
Mobility allowances cut
And so it continues...how can this be called 'recovery'? Lives made hell !
This is NOT recovery.
I will 'whinge' until this FG / labour government is gone!
Emotional abuse by Enda Kenny of the electorate will not win votes. It's a disgrace that our leader should be so abusive....do I want him in power? Hell, I do not!
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Ireland's abuse of disabled citizens
In 2003 I whistle-blew abuse of learning disabled people at the Brothers of Charity Galway. after which, with prolonged lobbying by myself To Jan Sullivan TD, Kathleen Lynch TD, Alan Shatter TD, all at that time in opposition...and to journalists, especially to Patsy McGarry of the Irish Times who 'blew' the case, there was renewed efforts to get the Healy report, which became the McCoy report (when Healy resigned for personal reasons?) completed.
McCoy
It took 9 years!
After that the Hynes report looking into WHY it took 9 years was published. This was an inquiry about the inquiry (only in Ireland!)
In the light of the Aras Attracta case and the Waterford Foster care case we need to examine - 'Has ANYTHING changed?'
Some of the HSE personnel involved at the time of the Brothers of Charity abuse case are still around.
Indeed some of the politicians namely Kathleen Lynch was certainly vocal in opposition about abuse of learning disabled people yet when in power herself seemed to lose grip of the issues, if she was interested at all...since now we find she and her colleagues DID know about abuse in the foster care case in Waterford a few years ago, yet only now does the public know about it through yet again, two whistle blowers.
Is it the case that Kathleen Lynch merely used the Brother of Charity case as political fodder in her back bench role and search for power? I have a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach that the opposition FG ministers were doing just that...for why did Kathleen Lynch not as vigorously take up the cudgel for the foster care victims when in power as she did for the Galway victims as backbencher? does power silence politicians? it seems so.
Very quickly after the McCoy report and the Hynes report, things went very quiet. 2010 this committee meeting in the Oireachtas seems to be the last discussion.
But as you read this committee proceedings you could be lulled into a false sense of security that the HSE had now learned its lessons in 2010. Just read the positive slant on all they are allegedly doing.
Did it last only during the furore of the Brother of Charity case? For only as long as there was public scrutiny?
We also know that the HSE and the Brothers of Charity published an additional report at the time 'The Murphy & Mulvihill report' which was an exploration of Client Protection procedures at the Brothers of Charity. Indeed McCoy himself set this exploration going as part of his remit as chair of the inquiry.
Within that, the HSE and Brothers of Charity tried to besmirch my professional reputation and only 11 years later, after legal proceedings 2014, was I exonerated and both agencies had to apologise publically and offer compensation.
Journalists might like to know that Breda Mulvihill co-editor of the HSE report that besmirched me is still employed by the HSE and was. I believe, though I know little of her role there, one HSE official involved in the investigation of the Waterford foster care case.
It seems to me that if you are party to publishing untrue information about a whistle blower in a HSE inquiry report, thus besmirching the reputation of the professional, and found by inquiry (the Brophy report) to have unfairly done so. you should face disciplinary sanction. but no, not in the HSE.
for all that the HSE said at the oireachtas committee back in 2010 there has been scandal after scandal of abuse of learning disabled people in Ireland. and still covered up by power, and the abuse of disabled people living in community by Hse personnel is still uncovered as a brotherhood/sisterhood of HSE collegiality stronger than the Catholic Church exists. the culture has not changed.
so the journalists might like to ponder that even though the McCoy report/the Hynes Report / Murphy & Mulvihill Report , was SUPPOSED to shake up protection from abuse of learning disabled people in Ireland , that just as the Waterford case was unfolding I was STILL fighting through solicitors with the HSE over their public report 'murphy & Mulvihill' which attempted to destroy my reputation.
does this really sound like the HSE are taking whistle blowers seriously? That abuse is taken seriously?
Does this sound like the HSE and Government have truly changed in attitude towards the abuse of learning disabled people? or other disabled people?
Do we find rather than the HSE existing for sick and vulnerable people, in truth it only exists for itself?
to preserve their jobs, their power, their position?
for the lack of transparency, openness, and accountability only proves a inward looking institution unwillingly for scrutiny.
That STILL ...in order to uncover abuse of learning disabled people in Ireland we must rely on whistle blowers and covert cameras by undercover reporters (Aras Attracta) .
Even HIQA , an organisation I applaud for uncovering abuse in residential care are not doing enough. Or maybe I should say, not 'allowed' do enough! Where are the resources to truly protect people who have disabilities and are preyed upon by abusive professionals within the ranks of care? and not only in residential care, disabled people are experiencing abuse by HSE professionals even in the community.
That, whistle blowers who are professionals, despite legal protection, are STILL viewed as pariahs within the safety field.
That patients and clients, family members are all covertly 'punished' for complaining. Given a worse HSE ride and service when they don't like what is happening and say so.
My view has always been that whistle-blowing is the last port of call for a professional and a profound ethical duty. There is no other more moral position a professional MUST take. there is no choice.
So as we approach the elections be under no illusion, politics is not about protecting people, Kathleen Lynch , of all ministers had extensive experience as backbencher throughout the Brother of Charity case , yet in power appears to have 'sat on' information about the Waterford Foster care case.
What did she know, why was no action taken?
Are we yet a 'modern' nation, where we take seriously abuse of disabled people. No, we are not, because the FG/Lab government again sat on and refused to ratify the UN convention on the human rights of disabled people. 10 years waiting and STILL in 'modern Ireland' (sic) as we 'celebrate' our 1916 'freedom', one group of citizens namely disabled people, are abused and have little protection. They are not free .
What am I celebrating in the 1916 celebrations?
NOTHING.
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