'Strong Arm Uppermost'

How do we 'hang on' when all around you seems chaotic, collapsing, depressing and overwhelming?

we remember little phrases that keep us going ? "never give up"
or something someone said to boost our morale?
or gifts given us? Mousy.
or family historic crests and motto?

I have two things hanging on my wall. a small wooden plaque with the Kennedy Clan's crest.

and wooden spoons

These mean a great deal to me. The wooden crest plaque belonged, I think, to my dead sister. So it has a poignant memory for me. but its more than that.

See that arm holding a sword above the helmets? that's a held aloft arm...ready to do battle, held high, sword at the attack-ready, to strike down the foe.  The Kennedy motto is "strong arm uppermost". Yea hey!

I entered life a vulnerable baby, I had a difficult family life. I had to survive. I did NOT "raise a strong arm uppermost" , I was not able. I was afraid, I was fairly crushed. I left home age 16 - weak, naïve, with no life skills to protect myself. There was no sword in my hand.

But I was given a sword. The sword of justice-making. I found my place, my job to do.  I was given it by survivors of abuse, by feminists, by friends, by deaf children, by disabled children. They made the sword and gave it to me. I used it.

The two wooden spoons are very funny. When I graduated PhD and again on my retirement I was 'presented' with a wooden spoon. It flummoxed me considerably. "huh?" "wooden spoons"?

I was told "yes, because you stirred the shit" !  And there was shit to stir in the child abuse, disability abuse, clergy abuse, professional abuse, woman abuse field that I spent over 30 years tackling.

I made some inroads, I made some changes, I got abusers found, jailed, un-frocked...I saved lives (this I know) , But there was shit to stir to achieve it! Hence the wooden spoons.

Once I asked someone who arranged for me to lecture to a large audience and her reason was "Because I know you'll shake the complacency" Yeah true, I'd boom, I'd roar, I stirred ....I'd tell them to get off their ass and DO SOMETHING.

I wasn't afraid. I wasn't mealy mouthed. I stirred. Because there were people needing protection, safety, help and healing.

I was a shock to the audiences I 'stirred'. They'd never had a lecturer so 'loud', so...passionate...so challenging. I had a colleague who used to say "I'll give you a mars bar if you don't swear"...for fuck sake! I was saving lives here.

These days I don't hold a sword, or wooden spoons in quite the same way. A weariness has crept in. I'm old, sick, disabled. I hold walking sticks.

But I do keep trying to challenge. to stir, to change, to save lives, to make a difference. Its in my blood is 'Justice-making'...in my Blood.

Thank you Sam for reminding me.