"Sssshhhh it's private - don't talk about that"

what are you keeping 'private' ?

What issues are you ashamed to talk about?

What part of your body is an area not discussed?

In child protection we tell children those parts of our body covered by your swimsuit is 'private' , no-one has any right to touch you there. tell your mummy or daddy, or someone you trust, if they do. (What if mummy or daddy or trusted person touches you in your 'private parts'?)

I'm not going to discuss child protection here. I want to talk about body shame.  When we relegate part of our body as 'private' do we also build 'body shame'.

The 'private' body parts under our swimsuits have become those parts of our body we don't talk about. It leads to all sorts of dangers. Death being the ultimate price of 'privacy' or alleged 'decency'.

 Men who won't talk about scrotums, penis, prostates, fear a doctor seeing an alleged small penis, big scrotum or digital palpation of the prostate. Fearing having an erection during examination, or God forbid an ejaculation "UGH no" - recoiling in shame - stay away because they learned that part was 'private'. So they die.

Men don't check their breast area because men don't have breasts. Well, no and yes - they do have and can get breast cancer. But men are not told that.

Women fear being naked, that 'part above (or 'north') ' is 'private'. they fear doctors seeing small breasts, big breasts, lop-sided breasts, inverted nipples, someone 'feeling' them for lumps and mammograms. asking questions such as "will it hurt?"  for the swimsuit was supposed to cover you - its private. They don't seek examination - they too die. I had breast cancer - I didn't fear the mammogram - I'm alive.

Down 'below' (south) is worse for many women, fearing that god damn awful male designed speculum . The indignity of knees up and apart while a brutal metal instrument is inserted vaginally enough to deter many.  (I learned always to insist on the smallest plastic speculum and a female doctor) . I absolutely believe that if men had vaginas a speculum would never have been invented! 

We women never spoke of periods. And if we did it was secretly, covertly in a completely different language. Body parts re-named 'Mary', 'Pussy', 'penny', 'purse'. I didn't know I had a vagina or vulva until I was an adult. As for clitoris - forget it. That 'spot' was well and truly hidden. I'm encouraged that today girls are better informed. Do know their body parts.
At least I hope they do.

We never spoke of sanitary protection. sanitary towels, tampons. though I have to say my Convent school (an English order of nuns teaching in Ireland) brought someone in, in 5th year (we were age 16), to teach is about Tampax. Show us tampons and how to insert them. a model on teachers desk showed everything. This was approx. 1966. Very forward looking.

 

They came in brown packets - anonymous

 

Remember this? I do. The most uncomfortable item ever to wear.

These lessons would not have happened in an Irish catholic convent school, home grown Irish catholic Nuns (and French) were ultra conservative. .

Irish nuns in those days were still teaching the girls not to wear patent leather shoes for fear men would see your knickers reflected in the shiny leather. (I kid you not)

They even wrote a play about it in the 1980's

Or if you sat on a boys knee be sure to have a telephone directory underneath you too.

They also taught that tampons breached your virginity, the insertion too much like penile penetration. not allowed. Definitely Satan working.

In 1976 (or thereabouts) my friend entered an enclosed order of nuns. I went to help her pack and there in her case was a sanitary towel belt and big, gross looped sanitary pads. I gasped in horror. she explained she was not allowed tampax or even 'stick on' sanitary towels. It had to be a belt and looped towels.

Thank God for my English Catholic school nuns. though even there sex education was limited.

Now girls and women use menstrual cups - hey I'm 65 ...

It is hilarious to look back.

https://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwilrbaMuZ_XAhWlJcAKHcIiD4wQFggmMAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fowlcation.com%2Fhumanities%2FOverview-of-menstrual-pads&usg=AOvVaw2mfWANG_fnKoogMu3HDHeZ

but remember too, our past was filled with shame and silence. We were made to feel 'unclean' . Our Catholic church still 'churched' women in my childhood. to cleanse them of childbirth. My mum was 'churched' 5 times (6 children - one set of twins).

Women in other cultures are still 'cleansed' after childbirth. Still separated, sent to huts during their periods. Women are horrifically mutilated through female genital Mutilation,   Women are seen as 'contaminating men' not only through periods but in all sorts of ways. Still. Toxic Masculinity blames women for almost everything.

Women are 'dirty' .  We grew up with that.

Now I'm old - 65 in a few weeks time. And with a neuro-muscular disease my 'shame' has changed.

'Incontinence' . Not full incontinence. But I cannot 'hold' on.  Muscle myopathy (like a muscular dystrophy) means all muscles are slowly decreasing in strength. I'm at the point if someone got me to a toilet quickly (I cannot walk quickly) I wouldn't need pads. but the health service are heavily into both infantilising and humiliation. Whatever costs less. Your dignity doesn't matter.

 

The community nurse offered me an incontinent pad rather than a human helper to get me to the toilet quickly! I'm not amused.

Needless to say she never told me THIS pad was unlikely to protect me from a flood of a full bladder!

Back to 'pads' . back to 'nappies'. I am not allowed called them 'nappies' but I do - because I like to confront an issue. I'm not 'infantilising' myself - I am describing how I'm infantilised now. How at age 65 I'm deemed either a child or useless or 'passed it'.

Comfy - not! dignity - NO - protection - NO

This 'old' age, 'disability' shaming is now my new reality. Bodily functions are used to dis-empower you.

The secretions from my body render me 'useless', just as my blood from my vagina marked me as 'female' and 'dirty'.

Don't tell me it's not any reflection on who I am. That's not the message I get from professionals. Who see 'degeneration' and treat me differently.

but I will tell you - Margaret is not for shaming. I refuse to be 'shamed' or 'reduced'. I am not ashamed.

But how is it our body is used to dis-empower so easily?

Can anyone explain this to me?

Why does femaleness and disability cause humanity to abuse, reject, dis-empower?

Why do bodies matter? because it seems to
Why does what we secrete matter? because that seems to too.

Explain to me please - body shaming.

because I can't quite believe I have anything to be 'ashamed' of.

I'm an incontinent 65 year old disabled woman - get over it!