I hate the word 'carer'.

Why are disabled children the only children whose Mothers, Fathers, sisters, brothers morph into 'CARER's? Where did 'Mummy' 'Daddy' 'Sister' 'Brother go' ?

Why do disabled people also need 'CARER's'?

"Who is your 'CARER'?"  "Where is your CARER?" "they need a CARER"

CARER - a person who cares for you. Well that's OK . Most people need CARING for. My sister cares for me, I care for her. Boyfriends care for girlfriends, girlfriends care for boyfriends ...its called a relationship, love, to LOVE. It's a human reciprocity that keeps us all flourishing.

But we DON'T call these people in our lives 'CARER's'.

when we use 'CARER' for disabled children, disabled adults, old people we imply 'they' (people like me) cannot do the things others do, are fragile, are incapable, are reliant on others just to live. And added to this the 'carer' must be a saint to 'care' for you. you are MADE TO FEEL this. its forced down your throat.

"you should be grateful" - oh heard so many times.

Well, such a construct of diminishing disabled people and old people needs challenging.

When was the last time, you 'normal' (non-disabled person) needed help?

did you need help when the washing machine broke down? Did you call the engineer a 'carer'?
did you need help to learn how to use your computer? Did you call your tutor a 'carer'?
did you need help learning to drive? Did you call your instructor a 'carer?' (even though he needed to take care you didn't crash that car)

Ah Margaret ....don't be daft, that's not the same at all. 
Isn't it?

Several things the word 'CARER' provokes in other people

1. You can't go it alone
2. isn't the 'CARER' wonderful?
3. you must be so grateful he/she is 'caring for you'
4. You are 'not like' anyone else

Disabled children are growing up with the word 'carer' ringing in their ears. EVERY god damn person is a 'carer'. they are losing ...losing who they are, their identity, where they fit in.

Being 'CARED' for slots you nicely into a charity model way of thinking.

Where you are seen as burdensome, heavy duty, exhausting and a drain.

it provokes the "isn't she good for caring for her/him?" ...mentality.
It provokes awards for 'Caring' for disabled siblings or family members.

It diminishes the disabled person. Its humiliating. Its segregating. its 'othering' in a way 'caring' amongst non-disabled people does NOT do.

I will never have a 'carer'. It gives someone else too much power and control over me.

I accept a 'personal assistant'. Because the ethos here is working together, is not couched in the language of 'poor you' or 'poor carer', or 'oh so saintly' carer'.


I've said this before and I'm criticised for it. Non-disabled people feel I'm judging the 'carer'. I'm not. I'm challenging how society has created a role, a distinct role, for those of us who are disabled and need assistance.

Its patronising
segregating
diminishing
and does not make me feel in control, powerful, able, capable or with any role myself in society.


So Mums, Dads, brothers & sisters and all others STOP calling yourself a 'CARER' .

teach our disabled children about 'Personal Assistants'.
teach our disabled children 'own' themselves
to be in control and powerful

When anyone asks me "Where is your CARER?" Asked by airport personnel, train guards, shop keepers or even someone I've just met I say....

"I don't need a CARER, I'm travelling alone, I CAN do that you know - I'm all growed/grown up"!

if my PA is with me I introduce her. "I don't have a CARER, I have a PA - Personal Assistant"

Thank You for allowing me my own Power and Contriol.

My identity
Myself.