When you wake every morning crying.

I didn't think it would be like this!  Ann, my twin in front, I coming up the rear, saying No to water charges, but NO also to all the austerity rained down on us, the vulnerable in Ireland. We got soaked!  But were prepared to be part of the outrage!

I thought that 'retirement' due to ill-health would be a little more 'restful' , a little more love in my life, in the bosom of my family, in the country I was born in. I hadn't realised that the country I was born in had become essentially very selfish! That my family bar my twin, were engrossed in their middle-class pursuits where every phone response was "I'm very busy", which of course only tells you to 'bugger off'. Where the so called 'caring professionals' really only want a quiet life, and work by rules and budgets - have lost any sense of vocation or CARE.

I wrestle with the lack of Care from anyone. I am aghast at the lack of 'care' from professionals. I, who as a social worker LOVED my clients, from the murderer to the prostitute! I remember every one of them. I CARED for them with a deep sense I had to help them in their lives. I felt that vocation of nurturing, mending, supporting, assisting and loving those I worked FOR. I was never 'better than they', they were never just 'the client'. I was deeply moved and a sister to them. That wasn't 'enmeshment', 'over-involved', it was CARE for I knew the difference and I kept the boundaries. I was just a good social worker...and I WAS good! 

That's me! second from left (orange jacket) speaking at the EU Brussels!

I did good! 

But now I am a 'client', a 'patient', DISABLED - that 'useless eater' in Irish Society. Where a right wing government, hell bent on saving Ireland but losing the people, wreck havoc on the vulnerable - because the vulnerable are not 'Ireland'. The Ireland THEY care about are not even Irish!  The EU, America, Multi-nationals, the rich, the off-shore account-ers, the tax evaders, the crooks, the very people who have no conscience. This is the new IRELAND. This little Island was pawned for Europe, for Germany. Given to the rich exploiters.

As a sick disabled 62 year old where do I fit in, where does my sick, disabled 62 year old twin 'fit in'? We don't!  We are too expensive!  We cost money!  Disabled people drain the coffers of welfare. Did you not know that.  We have to save Ireland, not THEM!

Typical - we don't go in the FRONT door, only the back!

 

You 'hear' the subliminal message daily, weekly, monthly, it erodes your soul.

A morphine patch does not mend the system that needs looking at, nor my body! I have a rare neuro-muscular disease. I use a wheelchair outdoors. I can hardly walk.

• My foot turns in due to dystonia, a muscle contracting condition, I've waited nearly a year for special shoes. Now I think I have a stress fracture in my foot.
• My bladder is not working I need tests on my kidneys but they are booked for April 2015 - by then my kidneys might be irreparable damaged
• I need injections in my spine where spinal arthritis is killing me!  I'm on a list I'm told 9 months it'll be.
• I need a better powered wheelchair (as does my twin) but nearly 3 years of fighting has got us no-where. Even appeals to Enda Kenny has fallen on deaf ears. His office just says "we're looking at it" This means they ask the HSE what's happening the HSE say we are well equipped, end of discussion! But we are not 'well-equipped' we are being crucified. http://youtu.be/FCScN9HeTWM watch this video.

It goes on and on till you just feel you are NOT worth it. You are kicked to the bottom of the pile. You don't matter in Ireland of today. And expenses pile up and up and you fear how to manage, what will happen in the future. Yes you FEAR...daily fear. 

But it is ASSUMED because we LOOK 'well off', that we are. No we are not. My twin is below the poverty line on virtually Dickensian 'welfare benefits', I have a medical card, not much better off. why - because we used our money to get homes we could live in with wheelchairs!  No social housing suitable for disabled wheelchairs users in this Ireland!

And I fear - And the only solution recently was that I go into St John of God for 'depression'. That's really NEAT!   There is nothing wrong with Ireland or 'The System' it's YOU...It's YOU...you are mentally ill! YOU need to be fixed. The doctor said I wasn't coping with it all because my head was not thinking straight! 

Actually, I wasn't coping with it all because my head WAS thinking straight! ...sees it clearly...very clearly...we are forgotten Irish, the ill, disabled and old...we are no longer 'Ireland's citizens'. We are the drain on the economy.  We should die, and we should die ...soon... hence the FG right wingers starve the vulnerable...yes, I see it too CLEARLY.

'The Useless Eaters'

 

Hitler used this phrase to exterminate disabled people in gas chambers

Today we do it 'subtle' !  by not giving services

by not CARING at all