All survivors are sisters and brothers.

On friday I took myself off to Bray Co wicklow, Ireland. Or rather my PA (personal assistant) took me to Bray. It was tough, I'm no longer able to walk, use awheelchair 100% of the time, rarely feel well, in alot of pain. Getting into a car wasmightily difficult. but much pushing and shoving, clinging on, heaving, yoiking -  sort of corkscrewed into a front seat of my PA's car from my wheelchair. She handed me a bunch of flowers we'd picked from the garden. I had both purple and green ribbon and I tied them all together. They looked wild and beautiful. on arriving at our destination my PA asks "what do you want to do?"  "get out" I replied, the whole seafront was awash with children and adults - for the fun fair - those frightening machines were throwing people in the air and came plunging down with stomach churning regularity. They whirled round and round with obligatory music and flashing lights. Screams and laughter fillled the air. 

We went the wrong end of Bray seafront, my mistake, and Gardai knew well our destination. On arrival I saw an empty large house. Weather worn, with driveway appalling in brokeness and in need of TLC. The whole house needed TLC. 

The PA got out to get my wheelchair out of the boot of the car, as battered as the house, it was all I had. far too small and I hung on for dear life as I reversed corkscrewed OUT of the front seat into it. The road was pitted with a draincover painfully in my pathway. No proper wheelchair camber to get onto path, and I'm a heavy woman now, I clutched my bunch of garden flowers, a card attached. I chose a spot to tuck them behind a chain wrapped around the gate pillar. Then I wept. 

I was upset - very upset. I was at Sinead O'Conner's former home. She'd lived here for 9 years, but no longer. it was sold and will be turned into flats. Not that the people of Bray want that. I wrote (as requested) an Obituary of Sinead for a Christian Site. I wrote from my heart, how I understood her. We survivors do. How I understood the escape from painful pasts, trying desperately to live in a confusing, frightening world. Clinging to roles, making them up, experimenting because you simply don't know where you 'fit'. Your memories, experiences are so counter the norm, you feel you don't belong. You have done things you dont want to talk about, been ridiculed, abused, even raped for just being vulnerable, yes, we never really become NOT vulnerable! 

I did understand Sinead as all survivors of abuse did/do. We owe her a great - debt. 

my obituary

   https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.premierchristianity.com%2Fobituaries%2Fsinead-oconner-1966-2023-a-wanderer-priest-and-prophet%2F16031.article%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR1XzoaRcHdnkiYgazeC19L8nKZxYctzdlu_3q8jVP8xoZQnPe01sDUWkNU&h=AT1phkZHxIg8pnRQQkNet_qrZQUru8WSRhrmr661dR4JhvonAvS00Bmxm-UKMD0ZBE-OWPqYMSmug2zkiIjh4O8Z-5_UN5xVdhIHs95axfjZIAUicVrY6ajZjAAPeXDEAw&__tn__=%2CmH-R&c[0]=AT1Of3Zqb_YZ9eyQIiaJ0AH3hfP6YV4S9O2bNpqUKd4LJVetny6R34PZoYxSqpEB2XikMaD_98TDToaw2SupYdtuLi065DOf8EvFxy7t8qcesf2w3hPbzXRCIS-5qSsXcekjrHn4pF7RABS8GjYmoISK4ImCFC-z29rzgnM_KdmcvqMUu_c

We are Sinead's sisters and brothers. and all is now clear;  

a) she made a real impact 

b) people did hear her message 

c) there is an awful lot of hurt people in the world who now openly cry....for our sister. 

d) she was a 'Wanderer. Priest and Prophet'

e) We are going to miss you Sinead

 Sisters and Brothers, we will not be defeated.

 Sisters and Brothers, we do not walk alone

 Sisters and Brothers we will not let shame or guilt consume us

Sisters and Brothers, we will share the pain and the journey - together.

Our friendship,

    our solidarity,

        our anger

           our fight for justice,

             our liberation is in truth-telling,

                 our calling to account,

                    our protesting

                      our remembering

                        our proclaiming

                               The Truth…

 

Survivor: We were never meant to survive

 All:        We were meant to be silen

 Survivor:     We were imprinted with fear

        all:         We are no longer afraid

 Survivor:    we were not supposed to talk

           All:         We will no longer be silent

Survivor : We were meant to keep it a secret

          All:   But now we are talking

 Survivor : We were not supposed to be angry

 All:   but now we are raging

 Survivor :  We were not allowed to cry

   All:      Now we are weeping

 Survivor : We were unloved and forgotten

 All:  We are forgotten still

Survivor :  We are hurt by our Churches/family

 All:  We call for repentance

 Survivor :  We are not supposed to challenge

 All:     We protest and seek justice

 Survivor :  We were supposed to be silent

  All:       Never again….

 Survivors together :  We will remember and proclaim

 All:                               we will remember and proclaim

For you Sinead - all our Love - Sing loudly with the angels and your son

                                        SING

Older Disabled people in Ireland

I've past the from my 60's into my 70's, now aged 70 I'm definitely catorgorised as 'elderly'. I failed to represent myself as a disabled person. I've been moved from disability services to elder care services and the move dropped me down a well shaft I cannot get out of. 

An elder care physiotherapist offered to ' bring me a sheet of exercises to do' - which effectiely means I don't get physiotherapy. I am a full time wheelchair user, incontinant and depressed, sheets with wee diagrams of how to raise arms and legs and stuff is not what I need. 

The elder care OT was ultra energetic and told me she'd get my office into shape for accessibility and wheelchair use. and declared as she left the house "next week operation office". She beamed me up and I was so grateful, relieved and happy...only 'next week operation office' never happened. She came and declared "have you anyone to help you tidy up?"  This is NOT quite the same as a skilled disability specialist making your office accessible. I plummeted down mega stages in depression. 

I refused to see either again. I know crap when I see it!

The geriatrician came to assess me (third one to do so) and declared she didnt know why she was doing the assessment, neither did I, I had undergone two assessments in Tallagh Hospital by an eminant Geriatrician...who made recommendations - never acted upon. This is par for the course. 

I asked for her report, I never got one, never saw her again, GONE -God knows what she wrote down. When I ask her to come back I'm tld I'm outside her catchment area...HUH? I wasn't when she came, now I am. Its enough to drive you insane. 

Now they tell me they want me to see another Geriatrician (the fourth) miles away. 

and so it goes on. 

I'm in elder care - hey - that means 'die for gods sake - die!'